a flashback and work

I just went into the common room to fill my water bottle before heading to bed - there on MTV was Ben Harper singing "Sexual Healing." Immediately I can smell, taste, feel a room in the Maroua Palace hotel. We would pile in far more people than belong in a single hotel room, pull apart the beds (the box spring was actually just another mattress), make sure a case of 33 was available and turn on MTV. Certain songs were very popular - Hey Ya was one, but Ben Harper I particularly remember. The Maroua Palace was in no way palatial, but it did have a swimming pool, a generous tolerance when it came to relatively poor and very rowdy Americans, toilet paper and bathtubs. Plus, it was pretty cheap - especially with 4 people in a double room.

That kind of thing just doesn't happen here. Not that aid workers are all that well paid, but they are paid, and there are guest houses and curfews and the occasional desire to be perceived as serious and grown-up.

The last few days have been mostly work. The next few days promise more of the same. Then, come next Wednesday (not tomorrow, but the following Wednesday) I leave Bahai for good. There is a lot of report writing to do between now and then, as well as too many meetings and at least one more talk about the fun that is the oral-fecal route.

I was asked today whether this internship was "worth it." And, while my answer is clearly, "yes," it is not an unequivocal yes. I have enjoyed my time here in Bahai, though I really think it has been too short to get any sort of understanding of what is happening here. And I have learned a bit about the lives of humanitarian aid workers. Everyone I have talked to has told me that Chad is far from the gold standard of aid work - NGOs here are underfunded, under-supported, dangerous, and disorganized. And while it might be nice to live in a house in town, rather than in a compound named for a notorious American prison, this wouldn't answer all the questions I have about this lifestyle.

I think back to my times in Kenya and Cameroon. In Kenya I was sick much of the time - either with GI problems or smoke inhalation, there was a drought on so showering didn't occur that often and I can vividly remember the sounds of the baby goats that lived in the room next to me, crying and farting all night. My life in Cameroon was more comfortable, but not by much. And yet, in both of those situations I was really quite content. Here, in Bahai, I feel much more ambivalent about my work, less connected and yet, keep trying to figure out ways to come back. So, I don't know.

The Nobel Women's Initiative was in town yesterday and today, and while I didn't meet the big stars, I did meet some of the amazing women on the trip that are not so famous. Check out their website - they are doing some good things.